It doesn't have to be a walk of shame...just pretend he took you to breakfast.
No one shows this much boob at breakfast
Is it sanitary to roast marshmallows over a cigarette lighter?
What a tease, dude. She's giving me emotional blue balls.
I just took a bite of a bagel at school and it tasted like weed. If I am high for my test in 2 hours I'm gonna kick someones ass
This might be the most awkward night of my life. And I had someone pee on me once.
I'm naked in the window of the hotel and I feel like I'm walking in slow motion like a robot
He kept making me pretend I was his personal trainer. When I swallowed his cum he made me pretend I was drinking a protein shake. Thats actually what it tasted like.
Can you stop being a bitch and just take some Kaluha shots with me bro?!?
Well I met my booty call's parents by accident, so that happened.
Ok well i was gonna say you can only borrow my fog machine if you will use it to emerge from your room in a cloud of smoke after having sex with sarah, so yeah we're good
Well, if it makes you feel any better I'll be drinking tequila and doing lines on Halloween. Just like old days.
I feel as though I look like a mom with a substance abuse problem
What would I even say at the wedding? "Sorry that I still wouldn't sleep with you after four years of you trying...but hopefully my sister here isn't that stubborn" and give him an awkward pat on the back?
i feel like the girl with kaleidoscope eyes except the kaleidoscopes are sparkly butt plugs
You and I both know it takes more than prescription narcotics to keep our family down. See you around ten, brother.
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