i love my job...i have craft hour at my desk w twizzlers
can u grab me a application
The Lord gave Farrah Fawcett 1 wish when she died. She wished that all children in the world would be safe! The Lord granted her wish and killed Michael Jackson.
Then my mouth guard fell out of the hole, so that's how the dog poop got in my mouth.
he has officially spend more money on me than any other boy. and its all gone to plan b. awesome.
You know you hit rock bottom when you make out with a guy named after a cereal.
so im gonna ask for shark week off tomorrow at work and i advise you do the same
Its a bummer that corporate america doesn't believe in $2 u call its on a Sunday night
this is worse than the time i threw up a condom.
Oh my God. He stopped counting at 22.. His senior year. I feel the STDs infecting my taint as we speak.
U have to come, I miss the sound of you throwing up.
This is my transition from small talk texts to booty call texts. Coming over?
Quite the smooth talker. There in 5.
I forgot to tell you, wear something you can puke on Saturday. We're christening this marriage with a shot of jager. NOT KIDDING.
Dude, I work in two hours. Unless you can find Chris Hemsworth and convince him to have a three-way with us, I'm not getting out of bed.
Oh god, I forgot we had sex to Elton John
Drunk me is having trouble keeping up with sober me's standards
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