Eating hibachi. The chef is squirting sake into my mouth with a ketchup bottle. Happened twice, more to come.
i think i should save myself the $200 for a prom dress. i mean why bother. its just going to be covered in vodka/jizz/and puke by the end of the night.
does drinking everclear count as brushing your teeth? because i think they are sterilized
Don't say that out loud. People might think I really like to pee on you.
Of course you don't like it. I am the one who likes it.
"Whiskey Cheerios" was a terribly great idea.
someone just sent me a bong wrapped in christmas paper in the mail. signed 'santa'.
He wanted to take a picture with our pizza to show his mom that I was pretty but more importantly that he practices in "sober" activities
It got messy; I did a shot of seamonkeys.
I thought I was invisible, then some guy flashed his high beams at me and I realized my lights weren't on...not invisible.
There is a chick at the bar in a bumble bee onesie, complete with wings. Yeah, I must be back in Seattle.
Yea. I feel great. My life is great. My job isn't as shitty. And my daddy loves me. I love strip clubs. Great self esteem boost.
It was big, black, and had a smiley face tattooed on it. It was the perfect penis.
You've got to be fucking kidding me. Do you think "Husband drunkenly pees all over floors" is reasonable grounds for divorce? So pissed off right now.
Yesterday we were fuck buddies and today I'm meeting his mom. That escalated quickly.
The lady in the stall next to me just screamed "why are you so hairy!?" and "why can't you get any!?" to her vagina. WTF
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