You are a beautiful, beautiful young lady. Your heart is made of tissue, blood and love. I will call you very soon, Princess Sophia.
Im in Brooklyn, he wasnt 23 or a musician pick me up
He told me they were just razor bumps!
I just found out my favorite drunk show, Repo Men, is just reenactments. I can't express through words my disappointment.
it only took me 1 hour to write 8 pages. i'm never doing school work without adderall ever again.
I just found a pubic hair on my dick that wasn't mine.
We all know tonight is going to end like every other night with you. drunk, pantless and confused. Dont try to switch things up.
Ok so you know that's gonna be legally viewed as kidnapping, right?
And. I know i am a gay man cause when i saw the pic of his cock his feet were in it and i am like what the fuck?
How do you tell an ex that banging less hot chicks than me is highly insulting? I almost want to try and get him laid with a pretty girl just to save some face for dating him so long.
How was my night? He had a picture of his mom on his night stand and he yelled "Papi like" when he came. Fuck tequila.
Hired a new intern today and we have something in common. I blew her boyfriend in high school. Do you think she knows?
The only people who really get me are strippers and mascots for sports teams.
I just want to drink bourbon and have sex and then eat like, a Christmas cookie.
how soon in a friendship can you start calling them a motherfucker
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