Do you have any idea why the dryer isn't working?
Because you touch yourself at night.
So in our children's lit class, some jackass little boy had gone thru the where's waldo book and circled waldo. I realize you would have been that kid.
he pulled a hernia and i had to get the morning after pill. you tell me how our valentines day went.
What's the point of having 3 fuck buddies when their periods all seem to sync up
We should start a Help That Bitch Out Fund and split the donations evenly between you two.
I can't live in this building much longer. People are starting to figure out that it's me making the weird sex noises.
It was one of the greatest weekends of my life. And that's even after factoring in spraying myself in the face with the bidet.
About to be a 4Loko vomit fountain in 45 seconds, what color will it be? Animated birds will fly out of me.
Hold on - sidebar. My best friend just threw a 40 pack of condoms through my window.
mom is telling me the setting in which I was conceived
did you know we used to have a pool?
he only noticed i dyed my hair purple like halfway through sex and he looked really shocked and he just said "You look like Barney." as he came.
well I've taken an Uber to my weed dealers twice in the past 2 weeks so it's going well since I sold my car
On another note, I almost lost one side of my fake butt. Dancing the wobble with the fake butt isn't recommend.
He went down on me while I was on the phone with my grandma.
Since moving to the suburbs, all I do is fuck my ex and watch cartoons. It's not so bad.
Randomize
