well that was a long night...
dude, you were pretty messed up... what happened?
no idea... but i still woke up with my pirate hat on
Nobody needs to come anywhere. Except on your face.
I'm so excited for this wedding, I feel like a school girl about to get finger launched on the dance floor at the sadie hawkins dance
this is hardly the first time i've been told i'm dressed "too suggestively" for 7 in the morning.
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I was cleaning out my bag and I found some xanax wrapped in plastic with a note that said "use in case of emergency"
I cant leave dude. theres a horse with a top hat on
And you just kept trying to fit through the dog door and not drop Jello shots.
just walk of shamed past a man riding a bike. RIDING A BIKE. what a wholesome life he must lead.
Only I would come home from a random banging with beer and watermelon
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somehow a sneeze triggered me puking over everyone in the car
sometimes i feel like my only option in life is to be drunk or be a cat. today i am drunk
Oh my god I peed in a park last night and then tried to set off fireworks with a group of middle-aged men
Anddon't worry about me I have my Darth Vader flashlight
You date? I thought you just hooked up with your TAs
the raccoons are back...
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