A hard boiled egg and a shot of tequila is not brunch.
We were laughing at the passed out guy who had gone to sleep under the car in the McDonald's lot until we realized it was you.
theres pictures of him knuckle deep in her, both of them thumbs up and cheesin. someone should take her kid away
I figure hes like disneyworld. You know youre only going once or twice in life. Might as well have fun and ride the rides
He only had napkins in the bathroom... no toilet paper. If I fuck him, am I settling?
Just induced vomiting to put out a carpet fire.
Everyone is cheering
What's the sex policy on a school bus? Because I dibs back seat.
Sex allowed. Dress code is neon and obnoxious.
We are gonna die. I wanna enforce the "no jumping out of moving vehicles" policy. And how are we gonna get a school bus through mcdonalds drive thru?
After she asked if she could try to fit her toe ring around it, i decided to leave. Thats the life i live
Neat. I'm thinking about growing a handlebar muffstache. What are your thoughts on this?
Why is there a muffler in the livingroom?
First, I just want to say that I had nothing to do with it. Second, how good is your car insurance?
Everywhere I look there's another kitten this is so ideal
Can I live on acid? Kittens man. Kittens.
I hooked up with Spider-Man on the hood of Santas car. I kept saying that he could shoot his web at me. Also I found Waldo. Overall good night.
You're the only guy I know who could convince a lady at the pharmacy to trade you her pain pills for your antibiotics.
I'm officially removing you from my nudes recipient list on snapchat.
Three times. Three times I left home yesterday in search for sex, and three times I returned un-orgasmed.
Randomize
