As my groomsman, I expect you to learn the Thriller dance with me before next September.
I discovered last night there is no graceful way to remove your face from your gf's crotch when your parents walk in the room
Our adventure is going to pick up his pipe and weed that he ditched when he got pulled over the other day.
HOT DATE.
Trying to figure out if I'm the second dude she hooked up with yesterday. I feel like a consolation prize
Just to save you guys the surprise, somebody shit outside of our door.
You need to let me be on top sometimes. I gotta get rid of these love handles
I feel like this has turned into my work. But if I get paid sitting under a desk, that's perfectly fine with me.
Don't forget the part about the bar bathroom stumbles.
Oh damn, you're right. I have to include that. You turned off all the lights with your head. That was impressive.
The walk home lasted longer than the sex. He lives in the flat above the bar.
Just got referred to as "the girl from Tuesday night" at the Taco Bell drive thru...what happened on my birthday?!
I gave myself a charlie horse masturbating this morning. I feel like that really set the tone for the day.
"Uno más" are officially my least favorite words in the entire Spanish language.
I swear I have some evil slut demon in me when I'm blacked out
Don't we all.
Have u seen my vagina and my gorilla costume? Im in need of it.
I just bought a mini nerf gun so he could make a bowl out of it, I deserve the fuck buddy of the year award!
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