Btw the nut in my hair goes great with my outfit !!! :(
her vagina looked like bernie madoff
Hey man, sorry I chased you around the house with a small table.
The vagina on Hilton Head is mighty fine this time of year.
That makes the second boyfriend of hers that I've fucked. I'm gonna start keeping an eye on every guy she even speaks to. Girl is my sexual rabbit's foot.
You straight up wore me out. This should be a proud moment for you. It's almost like my penis is asking for a timeout. But not really
My girlfriend is pregnant with her exs baby. 2014 just became the worst year
I found the guy I hooked up with last night on Wikipedia, at least now I know how old he is.
Drunk in my hotel room, eating taco bell, and crying at Nicki Minaj's life story.
This is why I keep you in my life.
Everything isn’t always sunshine & rainbows. Sometimes there’s tequila.
chipped my right front tooth on a toilette. i figure if i keep drinking i won't care for at least 2 days
Woke up in my boxers on a subway with a phone number written on my arm in lipstick..Best Night EVER.
so it turns out that when you ride the subway drunk at 5 am you wake up with a sailor in your bed
He fucks strippers and doesn’t have a life plan. Of course I’m going to regret this
They were playing some sort of fast food scavenger hunt game as an ice breaker. Some chick stamped a Starbucks logo on my hand and told me to go find the girl with the matching stamp and fill her with cream.
Dave had an Arby’s stamp and some sorority girl grabbed him and screamed “I’ve have the meat!”\n
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