Should I shave my pubes in the shape of a top hat so I can nickname my junk Abe Lincoln?
there r dinosaurs outside my house i hear them
pretty sure those are just snow plows....go back to bed
your ability to fuck hot guys even when you go out in sweats amazes me
Come over and help me clean up your so-called "winter wonderland" that you made with the fire extinguisher in the kitchen last night.
I can't believe I am actually paying for a night in a hotel for my parents so I can throw a party the night before Christmas Eve. I also can't believe they think it's their Christmas present.
So I am just swinging blind here, but I am guessing that blood in your sinus is not ideal
I have glow sticks stuck to my boobs and a missed call from the 911. I'd say last night was a success.
This guys mom bought us a 24 pack and drove me and 8 others to a frat house... Hello moms weekend.
Either I spilled whiskey on my boobs last night or they are fermenting. Not concerned in the slightest
And now I have fucked a local celebrity so double free drinks at bars.
Um...It has come to my attention that I may have said some rather vulgar things about Sean Connery to you and anyone listening last night, so...I apologize for that. I meant the things I said. But still. Sorry.
All I know is I want him to tie me up at least twice a week and I have an overwhelming urge to cook for him. Could this be love? I'm so confused....
I woke up naked and alone this morning. What a life
I'm completely creeped out. He's dressed as me. And thinks it's funny.
I'm just happy stripping was the reason you fractured your hand
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