im in a room full of women tattooing each others tits. i hope i remember this tomorrow
how do you wash the taste of whore out of your mouth?
At chipotle, there's a bachelorette party starting out the night here, i'm going to let you imagine what the bride to be looks like
He just reenacted his orgasm in front of my roommates....using a squeeze bottle of mayonnaise.
we went to get a refill in his room and ended up having sex and passing out. then he woke me up with sex and gave me a beer for breakfast. i never want this to end
Lol I just left. He's funny and he's cute. Downside: he thinks he can outdrink us
Come over, I want to eat cookie dough off your dick.
We both paused during sex to do the clap during the Friends theme song. Soulmates.
How was the rest of your night?
A little fuzzy and a lot naked.
I see your smile in the face of every drunk that senses he's about to slay a troll.
It's pretty fantastic. I just wanna know how your bra ended up in the aquarium the other night.
We tried to make ramen in a glass bowl on the stove. They called facilities to pick the glass out of the door
The best part about being single is knowing how much everyone secretly creeps behind their gf/bfs back. You wouldn't believe..Have a great date night!
Why did this happen to me why did I have to meet him if I could go back in time I never would have grabbed his dick
she texted me 'with freud,' which i thought was drunk for 'i'm with my friend.' but nope, she was actually on a statue of the psychologist sigmund freud.
Randomize
