oh, and bring over your fire extinguisher. we're gonna get the mailman again
if it were possible I'd exchange my vagina for a diff one on the black market.
I was too high to figure out which of the three doors would lead me to my classroom, so i sat down in the middle of the hallway and ate a twinkie.
dad just smoked me out. he's yelling at room service for not giving him cookies and milk with his towels...we're both too high to know if thats a legit complaint.
Dude, at this rate we're going to get arrested a second time tonight.
she screamed"i told you already! counter clockwise spiral and the clockwise spiral!!" right in the middle of sex
wow, i never thought dating a choreographer would be so harsh
All the alcohol I spilled on myself must have acted as a disinfectant or something. I haven't showered in three days and I still don't have a staph infection from sleeping on the lawn with you.
Just walk straight and zig zag through cars tell you get to the road. That's where I am. Perpendicular to the doors do not make any turns
I just passed a drug test. I want to shout that from the top of a mountain. Can we have beers on the top of a mountain?
One minute you were celebrating, the next you were bleeding all over your Nikes.
The gas station was closed so we found old PBR and played Edward Nalgene Hands instead
I'm sorry if you weren't drunk enough to be peer pressured into the naked dancing/group make out that transpired last night
fuck off. It's 10am and I'm drink gin and ginger ale through a twizzler straw. My life is marvellous
He's far too busy staring into my soul to touch my tits.
You have to just make a conscious effort not to make out with people when he's around if you want to keep him in your life?
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