dude i woke up laying next to some guy. i dont have my bra or his name. he has a nice tv though.
it took everything i had not to yell out "your name means death in german!"
all we need is a shotglass and a helicopter.
yea and when she crawled to her room she yelled at a bookbag to "get the fuck out my way"
How do you tell someone they are only invited if they put out?
I can't believe you're trying to guilt me into a blow j because a tornado made you homeless.
Is it working?
Nothing says never again like hurling in the shower.
Guess who just got a Christian Beliefs class to seriously discuss the spiritual implications of dolphin rape?
I told him I was on the pill and it was OK to fire away. I want to never have to wear panty house or ever go to an office again. This is my early retirement plan. I want half of his NBA money.
Official reason: I couldn't get time off. The real reason: last Xmas nearly ended in alcohol poisoning to prevent me from screaming like a velociraptor
Don't worry, I'm taking the best gay radar in the World, my sister's boobs. All guy who is not looking at them, it's fair play for us.
Not to play devil's advocate, but, considering how our species has evolved so far... I'm kinda rooting for the sun on the whole heat death thing.
He finished and he wasn't even totally hard. He actually came without a boner.
HOW IS THAT EVEN POSSIBLE.
U sent me lyrics to wind beneath my wings
My liver misses your liver
Sex. Target parking lot. I really am the mayor.
Randomize
