I had a good time, probably would have a bigger headache today if you were in town.
just so you know, the whole club saw your tits last night. and booed.
He better hope I dont die soon. Because I would haunt his bitch ass and cock block 24/7
my momz letting me make the christmas card in photoshop
so that means christmas in space?
imma make our dead cats ghosts like obi wan kenobi
I have just two goals for this NYE. 1) get so drunk that every guy looks like Clive Owen 2) make out with as many Clive's as possible.
She stumbled in with some guy, woke me up, introduced him and said "This is my sister. She's a freshman. She probably hates you."
Is percocet and coffee considered a balanced breakfast?
Last thing I remember was wondering why there was a mirror on the wall behind the urinal and then realizing I was pissing in the sink.
We fucked in his mom's shower and all I could think about was being too old to be sneak banging while someone's mom was out of town and how much mildew was on the shower curtain. Fuck you, Adulthood.
I would say I'm the man in the relationship but I'm cuddled on the couch eating cake mix and water.
Tell Chris I said sorry for yelling "It's my vagina, let me do what I want with it!" at the party last night.
Someone somewhere has a picture of me vomiting in a bus stop trash can while a drag queen held my hair for me.
Pride claims another victim
OMG MY DAD TOLD ME HE MIGHT DO TINDER
I just lived through a real life episode of jersey shore.
You set a couch on fire in my brothers backyard?
Just the cushions
Randomize
