who the fuck tagged pancake nipples on my profile picture?
omg i can't drink anymore.. i just pulled up my dress and started playing with my vagina
his cum shot went directly into his bellybutton. felt like i was playin ski ball
I managed to throw up 90 feet under water, just removed my breathing tube, puked, put it back in. All inclusive is the way to go.
i totally fed the cab driver fruit salad with my hands while he was driving
he told me not to treat him like a child and then started peeing off the trampoline
You don't understand. He was so ginger that he could make red hair a dominant gene. And I refuse to torture my future spawn like that.
Dude you asked your tattoo if it wanted to go swimming
I have a boner in one of my pics with her which no one noticed.
Didn't you used to babysit him?
18 years ago I helped him into his clothes. Today he helped me out of mine.
TFW YOU ACCIDENTALLY SEND A MEME ABOUT LIKING ANAL TO THE GROUP CHAT. JESUS FUCKING CHRIST, WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME?
Nothing says "Happy New Year" like having to shit into a plastic bag.
If Dr Phil has taught me anything about myself, it’s that I can seriously relate to those women who fake their pregnancies.
Remind me to never do anything where hiding something in my butt is the best course of action
When you puked on me I said to you "we will just say that you threw some mostacholi at me"
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