So I'm playing pool in my cowboy boots and some guy came up looks at my boots and goes, "you should've got the boots with the fur"
We took up a collection and paid her $50 to eat a piece of meat. Vegetarian morals trumped once again by cash.
Well, if they're both my boyfriend.. Then i cheated on both of them.
someone needs to make a hangover cure that isn't cocaine.
I'm over this relationship. I'm just going to get drunk all day, wake up in a puddle of my own vomit again, and go on with my life
I've wasted nicer days than this hungover and dry heaving in bed.
Plan B, arranged marriage to a rich Indian, is rapidly becoming Plan A. Fuck Finals.
Saw a dude last night at a strip club's bar eating canned pineapple and giving tootsie pops to the girls...
That's like doing a cinnamon challenge in my vag - but more painful.
So I think my motto should be "losing bras and dignity every weekend" but like in a really amazing way
i don't know how to react to you in a diaper crying and calling a football 'sadie'.
Someone just asked me why I drink so much. Im gonna slap a bitch
I just wanna be euthanized
Thas it
Who else has a jello penis in their fridge?!
just saw a kid waiting at the door of the stairs for the elevator. there is no elevator in this building. get on his level.
Randomize
