***** fucked a guy with one hand last night
Question: why is there a dildo glued to my kitchen table?
I puked in the AC vent. thing are gonna get ugly come summertime.
I drove your lawn mower home. Hope you don't need it tonight. I'll bring it over tomorrow.
Guess who has two thumbs and just fell outta his car and almost peed himself
Update... last night a man tried to bite my ear. I think he swallowed my pearl earring.
You are the voice of reason. And I'm bringing wine. Like seriously this is his last chance. Don't touch me once, shame on you.. Don't touch me twice, shame on me
first time i ever mailed panties back to a fuck buddy. what better of a way to say its over
I AM CRUING IT IS 93:2 AM AND I AM CYGIN INT BED
The best part of the night was you shouting "I have to take the LSAT tomorrow" between shots of fireball.
Good, I would never sleep with your boyfriend , or send you an edible arangment
Word to the wise, never look up your hot young doctors on Facebook before you're discharged. You will find things and no longer be able to take them seriously.
when she didn't finish her burrito you wanted to call the cops because you said it was neglect
Only you could get too drunk for taco bell. I don't know if I'm jealous or ashamed. Go to bed.
It's like a donut of clothes around a pair of heels. Like they were transported to another dimension naked.
Randomize
