Do you have any idea why the dryer isn't working?
Because you touch yourself at night.
I an trashes at a wedding. Hotbcousins here I come. Agh.
jack dropped his pants and said "bet u've never seen a dick this big." which was really sad cuz i had never actually seen one that small...you have like pinch it between ur thumb and pointer finger to give a HJ
Henry's handball, Tiger Wood's Car Crash, Roger Federer losing ... That's it....I'm throwing my Gillete away
i had a dream that i had so much marijuana that i didn't know what to do with it. i woke up and cried.
I'm customer of the month for a 3rd time now at the Wine store. I've achieved so much in my life
Funny. I made out with his brother for the first time in a bathroom too.
I think they can follow the trail of blood to my house if they have a problem with me taking a dip in their hot tub last night b4 stepping on a broken bottle
pro-tip: weed infused snickerdoodles are far less conspicuous to eat at work than brownies. no one ever suspects the snickerdoodle.
I've never felt more disgusting in my life. And I'm including the time I snuggled that homeless woman in the puddle of my whiskey vomit.
After the 3rd time his brother walked in on us I asked "Does he ever knock?" his reply "This is his room"... Turns out he didn't even live there... I feel like a hoe.
Wow! It's so great to hear from you! We all thought you perished in Winepocalypse 2012, man.
Dude, you can't drink while watching Star Trek. You hardly understand it sober.
It's an alien shaped cup though. i think that'll help me absorb.
So learned a new trick last night.... Taking body shots from my own tits... Mom would be so proud
If you need me I'll be in the hospital involving super glue and fake eyelashes.
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