I was totally willing to let her keep giving me blowjobs as long as she didn't think we were in a relationship.
Your mom can still drink beer standing on her head! Talk to you tomorrow :)
Mom wtf!?
Puking in one of the stalls, a guy ran in and started puking in the other stall... In between heaves we told each other our names; i found out that it was my old best friend that moved away in the 8th grade
I just threw up during my phone interview for the largest PR firm in the world.
we're making bets on your personal life
this stripper weighs a pound. I feel like I should tip her in food.
Recent Google searches: "babu kangarooz"... "why 2 tacos bell" and "is dinosaur in real life"
Did I mention I should never take 5 Xanax and drink?
I sort of figured that out when I found you sitting on the roof of your house saying we could get in through the skylight while I called the locksmith.
Apparently it is frowned upon to ask the bouncer to stop pointing his flashlight in your face and step back so you can puke....and then do it
They got mad when I cut the pizza with an x-acto knife. Oh well, more for me then.
I just smoked a joint and ate a sandwich while watching someone get arrested. Bonnaroo is a silly place.
Apparently duct taping your dick to your buttcheks before the first time she goes down on you isn't as funny as projected. She cried because she thought I was a girl the whole time.
The worst thing about buying this extremely comfortable bed is that once I get a girl into it, all she wants to do is sleep. I want my fucking money back.
I woke up with glitter and eggshells in my bed wtf
So on a scale of 1-10 how mad would you be if I sent you a picture from the inside of a strip club
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