You know its bad when you're praying for a hangover just so you aren't still drunk at work anymore.
the line runs infront of fredricks of hollywood. it's like gamestop is showing me how pathetic I am.
not allowed to tweet this cos she's following me but i definitely just got head in a stairwell of the university of chicago. wanted you all to know.
I should be nowhere even remotely near facebook in this condition.
then she stuck her tongue in my ass
I thought we were talking about reason you aren't going to marry her?
there were staples in my comforter. what kind of sex did we even have?
I have a busted ear drum from when he honked his horn when we started to have sex on his car in the parking lot...
Ummmmm okay let's be incredibly straightforward. Hi there. My bed's at half capacity this evening. How'd you like to fill it up?
It's like a new game! Find out if he's circumcised without actually seeing it
He would have to make magical things happen in my nether regions to actually make me vote republican.
How much more is Amanda Bynes going to rip out our hearts?!?!?
He's only done it missionary. His world is about to be rocked. Do you know what I look like from behind?
Dude, get out of Andrea's vagina and call me back
She unfriended me four minutes after we fucked. That must be some sort of record.
I think vodka/water/skittles totally beats your crystal light mimosas
Randomize
