A joint and a Nerds Rope = breakfast of champions for the unemployed
i kinda do this "flirt with girls and pretend to be a hot white guy named chris" thing
sperm doesn't mix with malibu too well
Showering in the handicapped shower. Im THAT hungover.
Ya I fucked her.. But now Melissa is gonna find out
Just tell her that in a man's never ending war between his heart and his dick... His heart never wins
just saw a former disney star do a keg stand. her life choices have improved.
Her face just looks like a massive mistake. That's the only legitimate description I can say about it
I've reached too hung over to move status will you bring me something to drink?
I moved out 2 weeks ago remember?
Can you ship it to me then?
Are you around on Saturday? Feeling a trip over
Wet with either fear or sexual excitement
I think a mixture of both is appropriate
dude he passed out in the strip club on his birthday, WHILE he was getting a lap dance. That drunk.
You went home with a man in a loincloth
I just watched him leave in half a loincloth. Don't you just love Halloween???
New found love of volunteering, when there's free wine available at all times. Good times. And I get to to feel good about helping people.
Please tell me last night did not happen and there is another reason why my phone smells like ranch sauce ahahah
Soooo we should kick it sometime when it's like light outside. Drink outta cups.. Be bitches. 7, 6, 3, 5.. 4, 2, 1... Sschhkiddaellladiieessscchk
Chipotle farts are not good for seducing boys.
Randomize
