My sheets at my parents place are clean. No braveheart but I can paint myself, yell "freedom", and sword fight you with my cock. So come over.
I cut holes in my blanket and put my arms through it. It's the sleeveless "Bro Edition" Snuggie.
Girls should come with a carfax report
Two kids are drinking pounders in class. I think I'm hanging out with the wrong group of friends.
getting your period on valentines day is like an extra little fuck you, now you REALLY have no chance of sex tonight.
i threw up on the table at the pizza place and peed in her room mates closet. i wouldnt invite me back either
I couldn't get past the raccoon on my porch so i slept on my lawn.
You looked at my sister and yelled at her saying in a couple of years she will be yours
On duty sugar tits. A Marine never abandons his post to take nudi pics.
Wait also totally unrelated but can horses sit down?
I just tried to picture one and I don't think they can cause I can't envision it
i got up, ate a McDouble, then went straight back to bed.
You sure know how to make a day worth living.
i found you in bed eating fish fillets dipped in chocolate pudding
My card got declined when I tried to buy dippin dots at 2 am, the lady gave them to me for free because "I looked like I needed them."
if i seriously got my dick up last night, then im taking him to disney world cause thats just fuckin impressive
I always can't wait to see you but when there's also an opportunity to get naked it elevates to an entirely different level
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