Umm I'm too high to move.
Me= Watching Ferngully. My neighbor= Having really loud sex including multiple orgasms
Oh God
I know, but the worst part is I'm not really sure which I'd rather be doing. Feel free to re-evaluate our friendship
there is nothing more satisfying than playing sudoku while pooping
I can't ever handle being "that girl" again. At least not until next semester.
I woke up to the bathroom door of steak n shake hitting me in the face at 4 in the morning...
Just hooked up on shake weight girl's dad's porsche. What are YOU doing with your life?
You challenged yourself to walk backwards all the way to the bar... And you did
I had to watch them play Salty Cracker. I have never seen a grown man cry with a boner before
He drunk dialed me at 2am asking if he could put a baby in me.
Karaoke machines out. We're taking turns farting into the microphone. Shits going south fast. Definitely be awake when you get home.
What the hell do you have that is more important than a GIANT WATER SLIDE?
You guys are like the reason that ketamine is a controlled substance.
I can't tell if my roommate is crying or having sex and the fact that there's anime in the background is only making this more confusing
i just sneezed the second i jizzed and it got in my eye. words can't describe how much i hate life right now.
My ovaries melted while we were talking. I almost told him I would suck his soul out through his dick
That would be a memorable parent teacher conference for sure
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