the recession has oofficially hit my standards.
i'm so bored i'm watching porn for fun. not even jacking off or anything. just watching.
Just found a quarter that has been stuck to my boob since at least last night.
Aren't you glad we're at the point in our relationship where I don't even ask why you're hiding in the cabinet?
Im not gonna remember this tomorrow but the real money is in coke i wanna get a dark wood desk and cell coke then i can own taco bell and the xxl chalupa will be mine
Its so hard looking at my mom and pretending I'm not dying a slow death of binge drinking
i don't know at this point bringing the fog horn might be a good idea...
The heaters out again. Makin a fire in thebroke toilet for warmth.
I am VERY upset that you called my fiesta a waste of time.
Have u seen my thong? Last time i saw it was drenched in vodka and on his brothers broken lamp.
Nah but tell him his boxers made it to the basement
Trust me man, I did not put any cookies down your pants when you slept.
As an added realisation of today. If we used the last time I got laid as a conceiving date I would have a two week old baby. It's been too long...
Who wouldn't want a man who can knock a guy out but also loves the bachelor.
It's the best of both worlds
Amanda, I can 99.9% assure you i'm probably never going to bang your mom
I DON'T LIKE THAT SENTENCE
I wish there was a morning after pill for dominoes.
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