In similar news, my cock is bigger than the plane that landed in the hudson.
you made me watch la bamba, and then you yelled at me for disrespecting your mexican heritage.
I woke up in what appears to be a taco bell graveyard in my bed.
I like your house better though. Cause it has febreeze and lube.
I don't think you have any idea how kinky that sounds.
I like that most of our conversations somehow end in us having sex for the good of our country
It was romantic. He brought over a bottle of Jack to celebrate us becoming official on Facebook. Definitely a story for the grandkids.
Dude, she literally just asked me if her mac'n'cheese makes me horny. I think I found the one.
The only thing worse than being arrested is the fact the cop confiscated my green dinosaur costume.
Dude. Remember the only two rules I set for that? Always have a sober friend and don't do drugs with a fat chick.
What do you wear to apply at a strip club?
If he can forgive your lousy blowjobs, you can ignore his terrible driving.
I'm using my ex bfs phone number to look up his Kroger card so I can get a discount on condoms...yep this is my life
Do not ever get that redhead chem major high. Gave her a magic brownie and she sat in a corner and literally cried about organic chem. Never again.
i feel sensations at the ends of my beard. Either I am super high. Or my face has accepted my beard and I completed my transformation to Mecca
He told me that when he bends me over that chair I remind him of a bull rider. So thanks for being the ex that helps my present sex life
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