He asked me to sit on his face, but i didnt, for 2 reasons, one, i had just pooped like 20 mins before sex, and two, this could be my future husband. so i skipped on sitting.
Waaait I'm alsleep in myt car somewhere
You know what sound is wonderful for a hangover? Listening to the horns from the South Africans at the world cup
Did I tell you I had a charge show up for $36 on a credit card I haven't used in 6 months from Wild Wings? It was that night we slept across the street from the bar.
I don't know if I have the sustained energy level for partying hard
Not a choice. You are mistaking my comments as options. My statements are facts. This is what is happening.
'Twas I. Do you have any idea what it's like waking up to see you sent a text inviting someone to partake in "sexy rumpus?"
Well since its impossible for me to swallow a pill this big I'm making wine slushies out of them
He's only going to be gone for two weeks
That's two months in gay whore years.
Why would you hook up with someone whos known for peeibg in someones mouth
We were talking when all of a sudden she reach and started squeezing my dick and goes "nice." and then just kept the conversation going like nothing happened.
Apparently my Ambien addled brain last night actually did decide to go ahead and photoshop you into various animal and human molesting scenarios. That's a hell of a thing to wake up to.
I have loved her ever since she went down on my first wife
Why is there a business card for people who need bail bonds in my wallet...
Well you went to the bar with your crutches last night & everyone including the DJ started chanting "put your crutches in the air"
How did I end up in some random dudes car?
Some guy came up to you and asked if you knew how to drive stick.
Randomize
