someone owes me an orgasm
just walked into the room and her sister said loudly, "do him, or I will."
Party in the USA is so catchy!
Yea, so is AIDS.
All the walks of shame were condensed into the hour before parents started showing up. Move out day is so bittersweet
I knew it was time to leave Waffle House when you started singing "What's Your Fantasy" to your hash browns.
Using the salt from a pretzel bag for tequila shots. Come over.
The nurse who basically saved my life just came into the store. Didn't recognize her. Awwwwkward.
Just talked to Kate. She said I called her on Friday night. She said I was crying for 5 minutes because we were parked in front of a fire hydrant.
Stop treating my vagina like a slapchop.
The worst part about getting "creative" and by that i mean baked is that i just wanna get laid right now and all im doing is eating nachos
Because everytime she talks to you she goes in her room and plays Come Sail Away on repeat. Can't take this shit anymore Jake
This is not 2004 anymore. It's not acceptable to get fingered while watching 'Ferngully' in a basement full of your friends.
Is it too forward if I ask him to bring a condom when he comes over to work on our project?
I cannot pick him out of a line up. I remember he is blonde and his half flaccid dick looks like gonzo. So unless he pulls down his pants I don't know who he is
At 10 PM you were shit faced in the kitchen makin nachos... Naked. I wasn't sure what to do besides walk away...
Randomize
