I'd suck a dick for hot wings now. A metaphoric dick that is
I've been sucking dick for sushi for weeks now...hasn't worked yet :P
The things that come out of my body both amaze and disturb me.
I'm playing the Jersey Shore drinking game by myself at my mom's house. Things like this are not okay after college.
i threw up on the blunt... he was pissed.
These 3 days between Christmas and new years when all the bosses are on vacation are essentially a competition to see who can do the least amount of work
I ended up taking shots of whiskey and chasing them with potato wedges, I have never felt more Irish
He made me meet him in the baby department of walmart where he was waiting with his pregnant girlfriend. Time for a new dealer
He's drinking 50/50 vodka/water out of a camelback. Disaster would be a compliment at this point.
also, the amount of semen in my carpet right now is unforgivable...
I'm eating captain crunch out of a cup half full of beer so idk
"I'm 95% straight," he says. Cut to him on his knees...by far the most beautiful guy I've ever fucked.
I woke up in a chipotle parking lot with an industrial sized box of condoms and a bag of dounut holes. I need Jesus
did I ever tell you about my gay jesus theory?
I've only fucked to 2 Fleetwood Mac songs, that must be why my life feels so empty.
Sorry I missed your call. I was in the shower washing away my sins and sweat. Please tell me you want to get drunk as shit later.
Randomize
