Guess what? I had way too much to drink today. I'm properly wasted. Doing chores and playing video games while drunk. It's the nexus of stupidity and responsibility.
so... thinking about masturbating finally
taking the losers way out I see
I wonder if all of the nights I blacked out will be revealed to me when I die. Have you ever thought about that?
I seriously think I have a tan line on my stomach from getting a boner while in the taning bed.
Wow, haven't had to deal with the 'stoned at the dinner table' scenario in a while
What do you mean you don't pregame your bikini waxes?
I would also like to inform you that I can no longer lay on my back because my tailbone is bruised from the nightstand. Good job.
Ill trade u your bra for a run to the liquor store...
I just sold some kid a bong I made out of a vuvuzela for $50. I think I found my career path.
Is that a tongue signal to get over there? That's how my two heads are taking it.
AND BY FEELINGS I MEAN VODKA
I just had sex in the men's bathroom of a Chinese buffet...
YOU ARE MY HERO
Got head at the top of a water slide over-looking the valley while wearing a sombrero and drinking a corona. Epic.
Testing the emergency boobs hotline
Tip of the day: Don't Amazon vibrators when your WHOLE FAMILY uses your prime account. There's dildo after dildo showing up in my "Related to Items You've Viewed" category on the home page.
Randomize
