God help me. Come pick me up. The guy told me this is not a hotel and i had to leave.
this guy had a colored tattoo of Chucky on his leg, whatever drugs he does, i want them
It's the foolproof way to identify who didn't get laid last night
Just mixed vicodin and mucinex. This cold just got fun.
mid blow job she looked up and said "we aren't even facebook friends!"
Also, if someone could cut me off before im rolling around the yard pantsless with a 40 year old lesbian that would be awesome.
I swear to all that is holy, next time you get my mom high with your "special bake sale" I am going to put your dick in the blender.
You were crying in a drunken stupor for an hour because "the new daft punk album didn't blow your tits off"
If you need to be the damsel in drunken distress make sure it's before 3.
I was less embarrassed asking him to torrent the teen mom's porn. I'm not gonna ask him to about season 4 of PLL.
We stole a Christmas tree from the student center and then decorated it with everything we stole from parties... All I have to say is Feliz Navidad!
I always knew ther was a reason why we're best friends
Obvs our love of drugs
I like to think of it more as our love of curiosity
I'm too depressed to drink my wine. That is what I would call a serious problem
your fucking longboard fell on me while we were having sex you fucking hipster
Sorry about kicking you last night but you don’t mess with a girls margarita bucket. Ever
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