The iPhone is ruining my ability to sex message. My 5-year-old cousin just picked up my phone at my grandmas birthday party and read "I wanna stand you up and fuck you from behind" to my entire extended family bc of popped up on my screen
I can't lisssten to Lou Holtzsss ssspeak anymore
It's been over a month and I still can't find the bra I wore out on new years eve.
Pretending to be straight requires way more energy than I'm willing to use in this heat.
I bought a zebra print bikini, I'm gonna be honest here- if he doesn't want to have sex with me in this, he's gay.
Let's put it this way, it's 9am and that box of wine looks like the cure
hes a good boy he deserves a good blow
I had a guy present me his prison release form this morning as id
You have permanently scared my back with your nails. I would like to congratulate you on a job well done.
It's taking 3 penises to fill the hole he left in my heart.
Shoot me. I need tickles, a drink, sushi and a handy
Order is debatable
I'm going to make out with someone. I'm on a mission. I don't even care if I'm wearing beer goggles. As long as he's not shorter than me, gay, or a woman.
Just remember, Dont make worse choices than american flag pants to your own birthday party
I have my vibrator between my thighs and I'm listening to high school musical. That kind of high. We're all in this together.
Well, you started screaming "I dont know you GO AWAY" to your mom when she was holding your hair as you threw up in her garden.
Randomize
