I just google mapped his house on satellite so i can really see how much money he has. Does that make me shallow?
it sucked. he totally couldn't get it up. blamed it on never having cheated b4. Couldn't stop laughing. fuck.
i just ordered an al pacino with double mocha at starbucks.. i'm waiting to see how long it takes the chick to realize what i said.
she had the hairiest bush ive ever seen. it looked like a spoiled head of lettuce.
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My head weighs 7 pounds. i know this because i spent the majority of the night passed out in the bathroom, using the scale as a pillow.
I was asking the bouncer, "if I fall will you catch me?" which then turned into "if I jump off the roof will you catch me?" He said no.
I go to a class slightly intoxicated and they bring in a baby. What a life.
I hate him and his pretentious your-sleeping-in-the-wet-spot look.
I was so high I told him we should rub faces and pretend to be wombats. He was surprisingly enthusiastic about it.
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Just bartered a McD's cheeseburger and fries for two pitchers. Oregon Trail ain't got shit on me.
The bad news is tonight is also a blue moon, ergo, latin, I will have to get 'once in a blue moon' drunk which I feel is significantly more dangerous than IPO drunk
Please tell me that SOMEONE, SOMEWHERE, has created a drink called a 'Tequila Mockingbird'. PLEASE.
Well I just masturbated while reading a recipe for Alfredo sauce so I guess you could say I’m growing up
He was about to go in...and he fell off the bed. Ruined mood!
Shhh embrace your inner whore. Just embrace it.
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