How can i ever say i miss u when u wont go away
...seriously? chocolate pudding? motorboating? No one has even done that to ME and i am 69 times the whore you are
I can only be a whore so many days outta the week.
Samesies
I'm bringing poparts in case anyone gets hungry. The trek to frat row is strenuous.
Oh god. There is a bite mark in the bar of soap. Please tell me I was not that wasted.
I went out in the middle of the night to smoke my weed.. Didn't realize my dad was sitting on the patio doing the exact same thing..
Just slept with my boyfriend's roomie to learn if bf was cheating on me
Good plan. When in doubt, sleep about.
No no no. When you take one for the team, there are no stipulations or conditions
Dedicating my hangover to whoever the hell I hooked up with in the bathroom last night.
just kidding, dedicating it to the gods of mexican food. omnomnom
WE COULD TOTALLY DO ECSTASY AND GO TO THAT CAT SHELTER OFF OF BROADWAY.
We're all getting matching jack daniels tattoos. We're gonna be an alcoholic gang of awesome.
Hypothetical question. Say I was bleeding profusely, close to your house, and needed a place to go to clean up and perform minor surgery on myself. Like now.
This morning was so rough I can't even. I was cutting up vegetables for my omelet on the floor. THE FLOOR. I sat on the floor because I felt like I was gonna vom.
Well, I can mark "throwing up in a daycare bathroom due to a hangover" off my bucket list.
also, i'm not sure if i'm proud to say this but our regional manager's hot fiance was grinding on me at the reception while he stood and watched.
i suppose that explains why he told me he plans on promoting you this Friday.
Randomize
