Also my back is semi rug burned and I'm holding you fully responsible.
I would love to give you more rug burn
rainy day on campus = new personal fetish for girls in booty shorts and colorful rain boots
Pretty sure I left lotion and my bra in your car. I've secured your fathers belief that your straight. You can thank me later
The ratio of how much he pisses me off to how much sex i get just isnt working out for me
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I have pictures of you taking tequila shots off the front of the police car when the cop wasn't looking.
So he might be the smartest man alive. He had the stripper pick him up taco bell on the way to the room for an extra 50 bucks.
The bar has bullet holes in the ceiling, and the country singer had been playing drunken weezer covers. A man just bought me a beer on the grounds that I 'have his back' in a fist fight with a stranger texan. And, yes, the bartender is wearing a sherif's badge
you missed an awesome concert last night. some middle aged woman that was grinding on me kept trying to stick her hand down my pants. i ended up rewarding her tenacity by letting her hold onto it for a song, i think it made her night.
4:37 am. You're wearing underwear and carpet skates. Borderline crying. You want to punch Morgan. Have not stopped singing Give Your Heart a Break.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Do you think you could handle being our babysitter if we roofied ourselves for fun??
What's the address and code again...does anyone need anything and why is my viking helmet on the bed?
My Midnight Kiss was a Big Mac.. Happy New Year
Take your time. I'm mowing the lawn. In the dark. Drunk.
You were so fucked you introduced me to a pile of Laundry
I wondered why I slept in the front room
It's like the perfect sandwich, once you find it you want to ensure your future access to it.
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