remind me tomorrow that nothing happen between me and the guy who's shirt i'm wearing
I think the sex offender registry is kind of a VIP list. You get to not live near noisy schools and parks and all your neighbors get to know you.
Andrew is trying to convince me that i took your virginity. Please tell me he is lying.
define virginity.
a lot of self evaluation comes after you have to clean up a trashcan of your own vomit and condoms
so apparently i worked out for over an hour last night. drinking is the only way i will ever get anything done
I just ate a bag of doritos while taking a shower. I can now officially do anything
I feel like all of the victims from Seven. Best birthday weekend ever.
Oh, I never thought you were a dick. You were one of the best morally comprised ideas I've ever had.
Um of course I blew him. He brought me a shamrock shake. It was two o’clock in the morning on St. Patrick’s Day. There was no smoother move basically. He totally earned that head.
i threw up in his garden in front of like five people smoking a joint. they let me have a hit after i was done so it was okay
I've already come to terms that I'm gonna have to bone a few gross librarians, but hey, it's college
The most adult decision I've mad today was Jameson or Fireball? It's been a successful Day
I left him on his mom's lawn after he passed out in my lap and told me my vagina smells like flowers. Couple of the year award
If I die tonight, you and your brother can split my money evenly for college only.
all $38?
"I mean like shit happens" should never be an excuse for anything
Randomize
