I sent him a picture of my touching myself. He responded back "Your nails look really nice"
he said "you're pretty" then i made out with him. thats all it took
I drowning out her crying with songs from the Beatles it's good for us both. She relives her 30s and i dont have to hear her cry
I don't know what's worse....that fact that my dog ate my vibrator or that he later puked it up on my bed
College students should never be allowed to have snow days. Never.
I still count it as showing your tits. Even though the wall was the only one who saw anything. Your boyfriend was pissed.
I don't know what his name was or what he looked like, but I remember him rocking me to sleep with his cock
Being hungover in this office is the actual worst. Like they look at me and know I was wasted at 1 am, karaokeing Billy Idol at a gay bar.
You offered the police officer a Snickers ice cream bar and cried when he wouldn't take it...
Dude, never piss off a hungover boss.
My husband just came over to kiss me and said, "careful, I got a block of cream cheese in my pocket"
I'm in my math teacher's garage hiding right now because I fucked his son last night. It's fine
I got married tonight..
I'd like to first of all congratulate you on your marriage. Secondly, probably one of the best drunk texts I've ever received. Unless you were sober, then that text was awkward.
Are you texting me while pooping again?
I'm also playing fetch with the dog
I will give him this, every time we go to the club he gets a stripper's actual number.
Randomize
