i left the bar a little after you and ended up flipping my car in the arbys drive thru
last night i got mauled by 2 gay men who were trying to make each other jealous by making the other think they could swing back- you're going to love atl
We fucked twice, I went to the bathroom to freshen up, and came back to him playing "Your Body is A Wonderland" on his guitar naked in my bed.
a dead guy is trying to sell me oxy clean on my tv
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you dont seem to understand my overwhelming need to watch space jam right now
I've spent more money on drugs for bonnaroo than my actual ticket. Proudly.
guy in front of me at the pharmacy just asked the pharmacist for 2 Plan B's and replied with, "If your wondering, then yes I did have a threesome. It was amazing".
I don't text first unless I'm hammered...so ya I text first a lot
I feel like a monkey keeps fucking me in the ear with a trombone as a dick.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Every time I someone I meet again from that wedding it turns into the "Oh your the guy who puked in the hallway and passed out in front of the elevator."
He walked in wearing nothing but a WWF belt and yelled "THE CHAMP... IS... HEEERE!!!"
Everybody posting sickening holiday couple pics and I'm over here deepthroating a bottle of whiskey.
The clothing optional portion of the night began around midnight. Then we did disgusting things to each other. It was beautiful.
I'm hungover and eating lunch at an elementary school. The children are barking. Litrealy barking, like dogs.
I found half a candy bar in my bra today... Melted to my nipple. What a mess. It was still good though.
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