i guess this means i'm going to be wearing knee socks during sex again
you kept shouting how the only tree you would hump is an elm tree because they're under populated
wait do you know what youre gonna say if they ask how youre getting back?
yes. helicopter.
I feel bad for the next person that's gonna live in my room. There's so much semen on the carpet
The last thing I remember is teaching our waffle house waitress to do the stanky leg and promising the grill cook we would come see him at his other job.
I tripped while walking across the stage and while trying to pick my diploma back up my flask fell out in front of the dean
Opened the apartment door and the smell of sex and weed literally slapped me across the face. Kudos.
So we just smoked a bowl, out of an antler, with this old dude, while standing at the bar. Dude just walked up and said we were in his spot, just began packing it and handing it around...
It hurts to hear and I can smell shapes.
You should just skip the small talk from now on and instead say something like "You need to come slay the dragon, be here in 15?"
Everclear isn't food dammit
I told the cops they couldn't arrest me until they found my shoe. Now I have the grant county cops looking for my heels by the rail road tracks.
I'm super disappointed in my clit.
DO NOT FUCK YOUR ENGAGED GAY NEIGHBOR!
We have massive handle of kettle and a rack of hi life
That's the happiest ive ever been at 7:48 am....
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