hey, here's something you don't have worry about since you're a girl: finding crusty cum in your bellybutton.
is there an easy way to say "i didnt plan on sleeping with you until i saw how drunk you were" ?
how drunk are you?
What does that even mean anymore?
Are you in a cab?
I'm close- can you order me a bowl of vodka?
Woke up this morning with seven juice boxes under my pillow and an empty box of condoms In my pocket. Good night.
There is a drunk marine passed out on my porch. Mandy wouldn't sleep with him, Can you please come remove him?
Remember last time I drank with my mom? I asked if I got my dick sucking abilities from her.
TONIGHT IS GOING TO BE A FUCKING BLAST. EVEN IF I HAVE TO SET OFF A BUNCH OF FIREWORKS IN YOUR KITCHEN.
No other awkward car ride can beat the one you give your drug dealer home.
I think everyone, including the amish, know who you are after this weekend.
I just added Tubthumping to the playlist for tonight. This is going to make or break the party.
I'm getting "congrats on your engagement" shots. I need to get engaged more often!
If I could go one week without being called a maneater or a spanish trolip that would be great.
You know your Halloween costume is slutty when you have to shave your pubes to wear it.
I swear to god if you settle for a trump supporting packers fan, I will not acknowledge your children. You're better than that.
Randomize
