Hotel room at 3 am. She's 42. Stockings and heels. All because I opened with a joke about cougar hunting. We'll high-five later.
Situation: He got it in my eye, how long do I let it sting before should start to worry?
So thanks to the xanax and vodka memory erasering combo i wake up only to reopen a picture of some very familiar balls
i hope not, i just know that at one point I was sitting on the bathroom floor eating bugles and crying because i had no one to show that it looked like I had witch nails when i stuck them on the ends of all ofmy fingers.
We're going clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
What will that accomplish?
It will accomplish clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
i think i pulled off the nice guy thing too well. it just backfired later on when she thought i was actually nice.
you were passed out snoring, face down with all your clothes still on and 20 minutes later you sat up and said "FUCK YES" and then passed out again.
She had a baby and now works at Hooters. She is the poster child for peaking in high school.
I feel like fucking him is something we all do but don't want to admit to. like masturbating or peeing in the shower
I'm pretty sure I just crapped out my pancreas. I have 2 of those, right?
Oh that's what I forgot last night.. To make out with her.
Thing I actually said tonight: "I want to achieve Ultimate level drunkenness, I'm only at Champion"
He's practically not my boyfriend anymore. So let's go get some glitter, balloons, alcohol and forget this night ever happened.
I have vodka and 50 pizza rolls best spring break ever
I'm allotting you four buildings to piss on tonight. Choose wisely.
Randomize
