Sorry, its so late. Remember your fat friend with huge boobs. i need her number..its an emergency
"Morning after" poops are always like, interesting.
You threw up. And every time you flushed you would wave and go "Bye Bye!" and then when the new water came you would greet it with "Helloooo!"
I just made a moltov cocktail out of lubricant and a christmas bulb. The fire is still going strong. MERRY CHRISTMAS
Clearly, I'm already going to hell, so there's no point in trying anymore.
she took her bra off and it was like the puppet strings had been dropped. her tits totally deflated.
I'm having post traumatic stress flashbacks of last night. That big. Don't know whether to call him again or change my name...
her moans were so awkward that i kept asking "what" when she'd say my name...
It's like being the dunk pilot of a plane full of pornstars and drunkenness.
some fat dude with wolverine facial hair just walked out of your room with a snuggie. explanation needed.
ALMOST WRECKED MY SCOOTER. DAVE FRANCO HAS A TWIN AMD HE GOES HERE
Everyone is out there getting real jobs and I just realized I've been "washing" my clothes with fabric softener for two months.
Being drunk with magicians is fucking mind blowing. This Asian guy just made a platypus appear and disappear. This is not a drill.
I don't want to sleep with anyone. I just want a burrito
Please stop telling my mom she doesn't have nipples when she's been drinking. You know shell show you. Forcefully.
Randomize
