just won the tropical speedo for $11. i didn't know they sold pussy magnets that cheap
Studying for the exam.. Identifying the portraits using phrases like "large penis"
positive spin of the day: since my nose is blocked from allergies cleaning the puke this morning was much easier
he literaly had a hockey helmet on and was swan diving off the couch onto the coffee table.
There is a guy dressed as Captain America in the theatre. I want to make out with him even though I have no idea what he looks like. Wish me luck, I'm going in.
i figure if i show enough tits, no one will notice my eyebrows.
Thankfully US customs doesnt have a checkbox for bringing semen into the country because my hair would still be in CDC quarantine
I AM COVERED IN FAKE BLOOD AND REAL CUM. I AM AWESOME
The least you could do is send me some gibberish so I know you're alive.
Fuhga
Thank you.
I'm wearing sunglasses around my house. Douchebag status. The hangover is real.
I haven't included my nuts in a shave since the Shaq/kobe Lakers era. I gave my self the ol full court press in order to change the tempo.
I was drunk and on Craigslist.. The drunk-text offers people got must have been either horrifying or glorious
Got so drunk last night I kinda sent a super on point sext to his kid sister...say a prayer man
I wish I could say this wasn't the first time I shit myself in a Piggly Wiggly.
Dude. I’m playing chess through iMessage with a stripper. What has my life become.
Randomize
