Your parents are going to be so confused in the morning
More like pissed. but ill be sure to explain my pathological fear of terrorists hiding in the bathtub
I wish i could be there for it
is it bad that I sent her a picture of my penis on her husbands birthday?
did you mean anything you said last night? i just wnna know
no
You don't understand, alcohol has become a thing of survival for me and without it I can't function as a normal human being
i think the bruises are from the grocery store. on separate occasions. i've been spending a lot of time drunk at the market lately.
i have a vague recollection of being in the parking deck around 4 this morning, and on monday morning i was naked on the roof.
that would mean it's on tape
Don't remember shit. It was only until I saw the glaze on my forearm that I knew you drove to get donuts last night. I also spent 20$ there apparently
Dropping acid was like seeing the whole world as a blank canvas to imagine anything I wanted.
And apparently all you wanted was to watch the sun explode and me take 60,000 dicks to the face.
Duuuuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fruuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fuuuck
i think i just encouraged him to glue googly eyes to my boobs
His 12 year old sister has bigger boobs than me and now that's all I can think about when we have sex
It's best not to have your booty call on social media. So if they post stupid shit, you still want to fuck them.
You just can't go back to being friends with someone after you sucked their balls
Is it acceptable to bring pot to a funeral or am I going to have to do this shit sober?
he offered to let me fuck his brother , of course im marrying him
we went to the skate park then back to her house for dinner, and somehow that ended with her making me blueberry pancakes at 2am
Randomize
