he's the Salvador Dali of pubic shaving
so went to the condom shack today. bought a condom that dresses up your dick in a suit...tomorrow im fucking in style
he asked if i wanted their team name to be " Amandas angels" or " Fuk budies" either way an intermural softball team of all my hook ups from spring semester is just depressing. convenient but depressing
I don't want to hear about you making out with a high schooler. I just had the best sex of my life. My face and arms went numb in the middle of it.
One good thing about being a mom now, I can tell which guys I'm dating were breastfed and which weren't... By the way they latch on to my breast during sex! Kinda kills the mood.
It was fun, but I mean, any day that starts with shower tequila is bound to be good.
Its Nebraska, I'm sure im not the first person to wake up hungover in a corn field.
Hey remember that time you called a woman a "man in a dress" and then threw up in a drinking fountain?
We found you wrapped up in a tarp in the garage the next morning, thats how real shit got.
You're telling me he never had to ask for a blow job and he STILL broke up with you? I call bullshit on that one.
You put on some guys Birkenstocks that were abandoned on the dance floor overtop of your flats. Then ran out of the bar high gives the bouncer and said "look at my new kicks" then he was like woah wait a minute someone is missing those and made you return them. You were very upset
You could see the bone sticking out of his shin and he insisted he was "just gunna walk it off"
What did we do lastnight that resulted in a $1,896 charge on my credit card with a $2,000 limit
When the bouncer wouldn't let you back in you screamed "Authority is not given you to deny the return of the king!" and ran past him.
oh i see... well this is a positive first step in you courting him for sex.
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