If we went to a costume party as Batman and Robin I would go as Robin, that's how much you mean to me
i like to finish this college football season knowing that not once have I had to masturbate to erin andrews
that trick or treat candy bucket that we used to collect beer money last night was very helpful when I vomited in it this morning
Gravity stopped and i'm discussing Greek philosophy with two guys I don't know. There's someone asleep on me. We need to use their dealer.
Queso dip and pictures of Daniel's penis. It's like the last days of Rome over here.
NATIONAL GIVE A BOSTON COP A BLOW JOB BITCH ROAD TRIP NOW
when you're a senior and the freshman guy you wake up next to asks who you are, you DO NOT give him your real name.
The bong is packed and it's taco Tuesday come over
Just wiped the ashes off my forehead before he came over to have sex. Definitely going to hell.
I love you as a roommate, but you GOTTA start using the door dude..
She woke up with her hand super glued to the fridge....how the hell am I Supposed to get her off??
The vodka gummy bears are so strong. If I die of alcohol poisoning, please tell my dad it was single malt scotch.
Come on in. I'm butt naked, in the kitchen, eating ice pops
wow wtf man i was the friend bailing you out of jail with 500 cash and you didnt have the common courtesy of waking me up for class when i passed out drunk and naked in the bath tub
We were talking about kinky shit, and I suggested a hand job in church.
How'd that go over?
Praise the lord and pass the lotion.
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