while fucking on the counter the whip cream was conveniently right next to us. i love thanksgiving
They're donating plasma together for extra money. Couple of the fucking century.
When did we start counting Thursdays as weekends?
When we got our fake ids in grade 11, why?
I just feel like it's time to start counting wednesdays as well...
If you like her enough, bring her with. If not, eloquently cunt punt that bitch through the field goals of life.
When we picked him up this morning the cop said that if they actually arrested every drunk American who pissed on cathedral doors, Spain wouldn't have any room for real prisoners.
Why did you make me get in the car with you and then not give me a ride? I woke up in a bar with a blanket on me.
The saddest thing about graduating is that we won't have free access to STI screening anymore
Peanut butter fills the cracks of my heart
Haha it's harder than you'd think to come up with ways to turn your penis into a Christmas drawing
my ass is still wet. this is highly unpleasant. give me 5 to get changed and I'm all yours. or you can yell things to me while I shower and burn clothes
and it's like......my shirt is off and he's talking about quidditch. why.
Can we make love to the Space Jam soundtrack?
get your sex hands out of my capn crunch
I don't want to date him...I just want him to cheat on his girlfriend with me.
That same damn squirrel keeps staring at me like I did something wrong. Nature knows when you're hung over.
Randomize
