Sweetheart, you've always been a horrid bitch...
so she proceeds to puke everywhere, look up at me like a sick dog, and then say, "i'll finish if you want me to."
She had a bottle of NAIR in her bathroom, but she clearly hadn't been using it.
some how when im high sleep beats hunger...its like how paper beats rock it doesnt make any fucking sense but it still happens
you go from almost hooking up with the hottest guy at the party, to going home with your ex....how is that even mathematically possible
Then we all started singing, "Our house, in the middle of the street. Our house, fucks a lot of freshman meat". It was magical.
Hey when you wake up and read this, we really need to stop pullin our dicks out when we drink dude. I have all the pics, yall are assholes
2000 dollars has been put in for bail money. Also we're signing contracts
The straight guy here is hot. He described himself as Christian grey without the money and my vagina fell out of my body
Any recommendations for how to tell your wife about the pics of her 19 yr old sister on a porn site without admitting you were surfing said porn site?
Lol I wish they went straight to your cock then shot out into my mouth like a cock nacho dispenser
Ask him to BK for an ice cream cone and do him in the car. That counts as a date
I left him on his mom's lawn after he passed out in my lap and told me my vagina smells like flowers. Couple of the year award
Mom just walked in on a bj. IT'S WHATEVER.
Hot guy next to me on the flight lives near my grandparents. There’s a 100% chance I end up drunk and naked in his hot tub
Happy Thanksgiving to me!!!
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