my dad just secretly slid me a nugg in front of my mom. remind me why I moved away for college??
thats the last time i clean cum out of my retainer.
i just saw someone crawling up the stairs to the dorm while screaming "i have the best vagina!"
Pls don't use the words alligator, purple, and sperm in the same sentence ever again.
It's also dangerous to ride a bike down the stairs after a few beers, but I've done it.
constantly striving to make life awkward and more complicated, one drunk bone at a time.
It was like the perfect storm of bad decisions.
You picked up her frozen vom puddle and threw it like a frisbee.
Serious question...Is it possible to get a DUI on a kayak?
Those were some damn good pancakes you made last night.
Dude I've been in FL since Monday.
Told my prof I have mono so that he won't judge me when I show up hungover and looking like shit to class every day.
Just skip
Please. i have SOME standards
It was all going fine until I had to chug that strawberita bud light. That really ended badly.
Now theyre filling the kiddie pool water with boxes and boxes of jello powder and im not sure if thats a sign i should leave or what
I just want somebody who'll randomly bring me pizza and lovingly squeeze my butt. Is there a dating app for that, do you think?
She is getting high and watching the Hobbit. I want her life.
So she is basically watching her own life story: short people traveling to strange places.
Randomize
