What do you say about some mid-afternoon anal?
I was so high I couldn't tell if they were goosebumps or herpes.
Drunk, high, and in a taco costume. Wish you were here.
I'm not saying we can't have sex tonight, I'm just saying we have to work it around Lost.
Funny how often beer equates to second degree burns on some portion of my body.
You are writing your college essay comparing yourself to Lady Gaga, Vladimir Putin, and Dale Earnhardt Jr. and you are worried about the conclusion sounding cheesy?
All I remember is apologizing to his sister for being a bad influence while I was throwing up into a big gulp cup.
Hangover Status: I've been bedridden longer than that kid from The Secret Garden. It's not looking good.
She literally got down on all fours and I swear did a 360 degrees head rotation exorcist barf...and then moaned IT WAS THE TACO BEEEELLLLLL
so no, not her best night
Nothing says Merry Christmas like gifting a bottle of rum and finishing it yourself then leaning over at the dinner table to puke it back up.
Woke up naked on your sister's mattress lying next to a single slice of bread.
Okay... I just said "preach it" to the pokemon theme song. I'm hammered.
You told her you double majored in Geology and Telekinesis. When has that line ever worked for you?
I remember telling you that I think Taylor Swift has stolen my essence. I still think that's true.
We have a great relationship based on communication, sex, and mutual loathing.
Randomize
