Sorry, its so late. Remember your fat friend with huge boobs. i need her number..its an emergency
I just got hit by a car and apologized to the driver. I asked him if he was okay.
five shots of tequila, anal and 3 cigarettes. not my best idea on a saturday afternoon.
And then she started grabbing onto random guys legs, asking their names, and if they wanted to be friends... Haha, I love when the girls my ex's are dating are total drunken whores.
I have way too much money in my bra to be responsible.
we just pregamed for our presentation... gotta love group bonding
Thats two for two birthdays where I've gotten the "alcoholism runs in the family" speech
It was almost awkward to look at you naked while listening to Circle of Life. Just saying.
I'm going to see if it catches on fire again, then I'll make the decision.
Is this helping you get pumped up or am I going to have to send you more dick pics?
I cannot FaceTime with your penis
Doc gave me something stronger than Xanax. The pills have your last name imprinted on them. This cannot be coincidence.
You dropped a beer and it was like when wilson floated away. Complete with sobbing apologies
Shit, no womder she didn't wanna fuck me
that game of battleshots got way too fucking intense. why does the couch have burn marks now.
we had to take 10 shots sometime before midnight, then 11 shots between midnight and 1. so yes its gonna be a rough day.
Randomize
