I realize that when i start making 24-themed music videos in my head to the song 'love is a battlefield' that i really need to get out more
did we hook up?
no, because you kept repeating "itty bitty titties" when i took off my shirt
The EMTs said they would give me as many blankets as I wanted if I didn't pee in the ambulance. They even turned on the sirens.
WHERE ARE MY FUCKING EYEBROWS?!
The orgasm outlasted the Charlie horse. Pros and cons.
I hope your fat roommate breaks the bunkbed and crushes you in your sleep
I dunno. We kind of want to have a hippie communing with nature type break. But because we're such alcoholics I feel like we'll just be wasted the whole time in addition to hugging trees and shit
Thanks to that wedding, I got to use the term "finger bang" more than I have since high school.
It's a whole movie about Joseph Gordon-Levitt watching porn and having sex... I NEED to own it..
Netflix, eggnog, and bed? Maybe some hand stuff?
I found a new button on my vibrator, tonight was a success
Where the hell did you pick this girl up? She just licked my cat and stole our last poptart.
Okay first of all fuck you and everything you stand for because Taco Bell is amazing.
I can handle him. I'm made of spite and hot wings.
Very interesting. Let's just say I got home last night and threw up, found a joint in my bra, and woke up naked in my bed
Randomize
