So i closed my laptop as i started to fall off my bed and then i caught myself and realized that moment of catching myself is the difference between tuesday and friday.
ok... i just had to be reminded that people in animal costumes were feeding me shots at the bar.
I'm pretty sure my moms getting nailed in the bathroom right now while I'm chaperoning. God damn it.
Ryab! Make hr wtop. Mshe make sme speee. I don want to pee. I want sev. He was so igbad. Redpo.
Don't ask me how, but I have a squirrel in my backpack and I don't know what to do with it.
ok so I've decided, new penis Thursday (formally known as new people Thursday) will need to be put on hold next week in preparation for Friday
Memorial weekend is the following week genius. New penis Thursday countdown has already begun.
Thanks for the cold. I shartted and sat through a whole soccer game. James made 3 scores.
Getting drunk and throwing things at people isnt the same with you not here. Remember when you dislocated my elbow and then popped it back in in one motion?
It's midsummers eve. A.k.a. come over so we can get drunk and wear leaf crowns
You were so drunk you coat checked your shoe... Not even both of them. Just one shoe.
I woke up at 5am to tell him I wanted to take his dick on la Tour de France, I might need a nap later
My Captain America poster fell down. Cap is disappointed in my life decisions.
Is it bad that I'm using the photo I took for my fake ID as my linkedin profile pic?
So i know i said I'm turning over a new leaf, but i met a guy with a dick piercing. I have to sleep with him. For science.
my ex finally blocked me on all social media and tbh I'm only pissed because his roomate just got a puppy
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