I'm dying. Please wear something slutty to my funeral.
On the plus side I got to ride in a fire truck and I didn't have to blow anybody for it
Its so fun. We're having a music war with the boat next to us. They have strippers.
the kid throwing up and laying face down on the deck just asked ME if I'M okay...
I feel like this is going to result in some sort of tearing in my vagina.
Thats a chance were just gonna have to take
My life has become one weird ass game. No one wins. No one loses. We all just kind of hang in limbo and hope we don't die. Eskimo sisters for life. Please have sex with one of them.
Had a dream that you were held at gun point. But I killed the guy. Then we embraced in the biggest hug while everyone around us clapped... Kinda how I imagine our wedding...
He was talking up his golf swing like other guys talk up their dick. Is this adult dating or just another flavour of douchery?
He sent me a 2am email the just said "Ping". Nerdiest booty call ever.
I feel like I should acknowledge that I see you as a human and not a ragdoll sex object
She started snoring post sex, so I drunkenly walked 8 miles at 4am to go fishing. Please come pick me up
This is a weird combination of planning and sexting but whatever
Is Facebook telling the truth about your nipples?!
Do you remember last night?
Just that I fell down a hill with my penis out and the emt talked to me.
i just really want to fuck a guy wearing lederhosen
it'll be sexier than it sounds, i promise
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