Do you have any cake mix? I kind of need to make a "im sorry i drank all your parents tequila, threw up all over your floor and slept with you boyfriend" cake.
update: the house isnt on fire anymore, but he is still pissing on all your stuff.
the house was on fire??
shit I thought I told you.
I apparently texted him "since you're taking time out to think about us. You probably need to think about me getting arrested right now."
Having a dry hump session to Alvin and the chipmunks surprisingly didn't kill the mood. He's that good.
in the middle of giving him head in the backseat of my car he taps me on the shoulder, opens the door, throws up three times and then proceeds to tell me how amazing i am.
yeah a little bit of me felt bad about it. But the rest of me was having sex with him.
Batteries died. I don't care that you're studying for the bar. Come over. Bring the law books and study after. I'll even make coffee.
Matt's offering to breast feed it.
You're the only person I know who would go to New Jersey to give a blowjob and I have so much respect for you for it
I want you to know. From the bottom of my heart, that you are a great friend, a beautiful person, and one of my favorite people in this world. But if you ever send me that many messages again at 4am I swear to God, I will push you in from of a fast running rhino
Also, we can't be seen together looking suspicious or sexually satisfied
OMG LOOK AT THAT PIECE OF MAN
I haven’t trained for this.
Thanks for supporting me through Robs retirement. I'm still in shock, but your dick helped.
You think you can just send me a picture of your dick and everything will be ok?
Yep.
Oh please. Preoccupy yourself with my penis.
Randomize
