3.50 mugs at the bar.
Nah man, im with an ugly chick. Im waiting til everyone's drunk enough tonight, they don't notice.
How ugly, and does she have friends?
i caught a guy at work today stealing condoms. i let him go when i realized that they were extra small.
The fact you even thought licking it would fix it boggles my mind
Well it worked
Not the point
just cockblocked my boss's 17 year old son at the Christmas party
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Did you really just use your nipple as a unit of measurement?
Remember the time we were in the hospital and I wanted to steel the arm restraints and use them as sex toys?? Oh college memories....
why is there a fishing net hanging from my ceiling fan?
how did operation slutty penguin go?
pretty epic. there was a guy who was also dressed as a penguin. i asked him if he would keep my eggs warm while i went fishing for the winter
Do you deliver to the black dark pit where I am? I think it's called.... The toilet? Right next to hell...
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I SMOKED SO MUCH I SKIPPED A DAY.
Well pulled into the driveway, and there she was. Kinda like a Vegas version of the mint on a pillow
I turned around and there were three 10 year old kids running around with sparklers. Weirdest college part ever.
Welcome to Philly.
U have successfully fucked my brains out. I just almost put deodorant on like chapstick
Then he shook the next streetlight but this one broke and fell over. He told me, "This is the part where we run."
I just realized I had arrested my one night stand from last night...
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