I just saw the dad from "Little People Big World" at the airport. I chased him down and congratulated him for beating the DUI.
Did he leave or is he still there?
He left right away, I might have passed out. I saw your text and was like who left where? Then the oh shit feeling sunk in, hangover starting now.
He just lit his joint with the tiki torches around his pool. He is definitely coming to my future parties
Can't talk right now. I'm doing tequila shots with my professor at some Mexican bar. That's how I prepare for finals.
Strike three, the fat brides maid they call shit puker also has herpes.
there is a hole burned clean through my text book on forestry law and I saw you walking around with a blowtorch last night. Hope you have $160 on ya...
Could we try to replay the decision making process whereby only you and I bought and drank a keg this weekend? Because there were some fundamental flaws!
Dude I was walking down the street and threw up in a plastic cvs bag. Tequila wins again.
I am buying anal lube, an enema, and a bag of kit kats. What part of this is compelling the Walgreens woman to tell me to "be well".
Weird thing is that's not the first time I've been felt up by a Santa. Happens every year
I DONT WANT YOUR DICK. I WANT BRUNCH.
You know it was a good night when you wake up w/o a shirt in someone elses living room next to a pancake on a spoon in a bowl of spaghetti.
I don’t know what he is but he sure can suck a lollipop.
your mission the party friday: cockblock me at ALL costs. I've cheated on my boyfriend twice. I feel like three times would be crossing some sort of line...
and no, I don't care how how hot he is
I thought it was your cat but I was wrong your Roomba is possessed by a pissed-off evil spirit.
Randomize
