ran into someone who graduated hs with us while i was paying for booze in quarters. i love it when people from my past catch me in my classier moments.
shhh. i hid the ranch dip behind the rooster. don't tell anyone that way you can find it in the morning and it won't be all eaten.
wrong number but thanks
All she said to me last night is that when her eyes roll back, to release my choke hold.
I'm not upset because i like you. I'm upset because I can't use you for the sex anymore.
I tried to tell her I've only slept with 3 other people...she then named off 5 of her sorority sisters I fucked and asked me if she should continue
I mean really it's like when you're super hungry and you can't decide what to eat, you just know you want food. This is that situation, but for my vagina
Making a me burrito to ward off the cold...and the aloneness of my vagina
I just want to have normal problems like what kind of puppy to get, or should I pay a hooker to fuck Scott, or even a dilemma about fucking Twizzlers. I don't know.
You're lucky you got out when you did, about an hour later the girl in the Franzia box started wrestling everyone.
An hour is enough time for me to get drunk and win a dry hump marathon so I hope you have somewhat similar or better goals
You kept whispering to me that the guy making your burrito was an angel.
Two things. 1) party at my house this Friday 2) what was the name of the Australian you fucked on the cruise ship?
Just don't have sex while watching Home Alone. It will ruin Christmas for you.
I'm asking you this because you're my dad....is coke a drug I should try?
Tequila shots and throwing it at a bell.
This is dumb. I'll keep doing it.
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