My sheets look like a crime scene.
You want looks pregnant, is pregnant, or the one with a kid.
While I'm in the bathroom taking a piss you think of a way to get us the hell out of here.
i just met a girl who was sent to the hospital for using her phone as a vibrator and got electrocuted. 4 weeks later she got sent back for shoving a hot dog up there. welcome to the teenage american society
I just woke up under a kitchen table with my sandals taped to my feet and a corona bottle taped to my hand..
so we had a 20 minute conversation and created the fb page WWND (what would Nana do?) last night after we took our Ambien...that is my definition of an overachiever
my bf wants us to fuck our way into the new year.. how original..
blowing a .13 at 10 AM isn't nearly as cool as I thought it would be.
I am willing to take shots of vanilla extract. That's how this night has been.
I don't mean to insult you, but did you leave your training bra in my bedroom last night?
Snaps to my Ella Fitzgerald station for such a jazzy walk of shame
I just kept hitting the drum to get thru the crowd to the bar. Surprisingly it worked
so this maintenance guy stood at the corner of my cubical and scratched his balls for like a full minute cause he thought no one could see him
so then the cop took one last hit off our blunt and then drove off in his car and we just all stood there thinking, yea... that just happened...
there is glitter all over my balls
i think if a sober person was watching us they would have not thought we were witty
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