My pee smelled like sake this morning it was sooo disgusting.
I missed Saved by the Bell this morning, but Ashley in a later episode of Fresh Prince is keeping the morning wood alive.
can't remember last night but the beers were $3.50, so i can count how many I had by counting my quarters
i can afford to take several trips up and down the parkway right now if I wasn't still hanging over my toilet
Get everyone out of their dorms and watch 3 girls do the walk of shame from my room.
party gras won. party gras always wins.
I think my vagina is going to steal my keys and drive over there.
Hopefully she would park on my face.
New development. Drinking at work is so easy and awesome I might have to do it everyday.
So I realized I was officially over him when I was getting a lap dance on the keg bus at 3am from his old boss and I was double fisting:)
Oh god. I finally realized why the coked out Stevie wonder was explaining the concept of movember to the McDonalds clerk. Drunk me didn't process that another month comes after Halloween... It's apparently November.
He sent a video of him jacking off....class will be awkward tomorrow
I think the lady at jack in the box started crying when we put in our order.
Your ability to eat ass like its your job and yet turn down quinoa because it's "gross" is confusing.
I can check masterbating in China off the bucket list.
I shaved my asshole for this. That's real dedication.
she gave me a ride on the back of her motor scooter and i swooned so hard
omg it's like all of your grease 2 fantasies come true i'm so happy for you
Randomize
