She had hickeys... what's up with that?? HAHAHA
Vomit. Vomit. Whatever. You wear a tiara in public.
so i decided to listen to you and went ahead and slept with him. you owe me 3 minutes
She wouldn't stop saying her own name. Like a damn pokemon.
Its midnight, he's burning water on the stove and keeps yelling at me and telling me not to burn myself.
Exactly how does jacking off in my purse count as a 'early christmas present'?
Ifound a recepit for a hotel room in my sock. soo.. Ithink thats where my dog is.
He just kept screaming "I have democratic immunity" as the cops dragged him into the car.
That's like the cock version of a mortal kombat fatality.
It would be like if I said I had the cure for cancer and my explanation was I like turtles.
I just spent 20 minutes in a Subway trying to take a candid photo of the doppleganger of the guy I lost my virginity to instead of eating. That's all the evidence I need that my life is on track.
Is it bad that I coached my cousins 6 year old boy to steal a 30 rack of keystone out of an unattended cooler at our family reunion, or was I just giving him a social head start in high school? I err on the side of awesome.
Fuck me this girl I went home with has a cover on her remote control so there is no spills to ruin it. Imagine how many condoms she's going to make me wear
I'm starting to think that Cosmic Steve ripped me off
He bought me pizza and bourbon and played scrabble with me. So naturally I slept with him.
Randomize
