Just mADE A PArabola og urine
Dude I think you forgot how to talk last night. We kept asking if you wanted a condom and you just smiled and made weird noises...
There's guys at my school running around throwing potatoes shouting "remember the famine." makes me proud to be Irish.
I think whatever his name is just puked on the stairs. Just an fyi for the morning. Love you.
I have now hooked up with 8 of the Apostles. I have no idea where I'm going to find a guy named Bartholomew.
buying my parents vodka for Christmas is like buying a normal person socks.
What type of outfit says "I know you slept with my boyfriend before and are also way skinnier than me, but I look better...somehow"
Great way to live...just blowing loads on upholstery
Why is there a water bottle full of red wine on my desk this morning?
See you tonight.
I can say with 87% certainty that i received one of the world's five greatest blow jobs since the Coolidge administration on Saturday night.
so i might have figured out why that girl isn't talking to me...I'm 90% confident I didn't give her a pillow when she stayed over >.>
Came back with a random sweatshirt, an American flag, and a for sale sign. Mission success?
Turns out the creepy dude who bought us tequila shots was the friend of a friend who then got us a table and several large bottles of champagne.
Never judge a man by his mustache.
It's Jesse McGoddamn Cartney, the whole world sings that shit
Well, I currently have zero fuckboys and my vibrator just broke. A fresh start to May.
Randomize
