i told him i was on my period. he said, and i quote "can we not just lay down some newspapers or something?"
her teeth looked like a whores toenails, i was too horrified to
He said finals are more important than getting stoned on 4/20. I'm proud in a disappointing kinda way
Were at her birthday dinner and her dad keeps buying me shots saying when I was your age I fucked the shit outta girls
Hahahahahaha remind him your dating his daughter
I puked right in front of him after winning beer olympics and he still hooked up with me. My life is so easy.
she's like the billy mays of hookups...touch my boobs and i'll throw in this blow job ABSOLUTELY FREE
I knew it would get worse when I said I think your roommate is watching and he looked over at him and said ... So?
A blow job from a tiger shark would still entail less risk to your genitals than having sex with her.
Sorry I need more motivation then McDonalds and mojitos.
I was grossed out that all their candles smelled like vagina and then I remembered where my fingers had been.
I wrote "fuck you meg" on my toaster strudel with the icing. I call it "passive aggressive breakfast"
HE HAS CHALLENGED MY BADNESS. I MUST CONQUER ALL THAT QUESTIONS MY POWER. BRING FORTH THE TIT PICS.
She helped me out of the car and i face planted into the snow.....and just stayed there and took like a 30 min nap.
A relationship is waiting for him to fall asleep so you can cum (finally!) while watching porn
May have told my history professor I wanted him to stuff me like a turkey. Too slutty?
Nah, people appreciate the creativity of seasonal sluttiness. Let me know if it works!!!
Randomize
