I tried to pay my bar tab with my gym membership card. Twice.
she was screaming in french about how classy it was to be drinking wine. oh... she was drinking it out of the bottle. with a beer in her other hand while throwing up.
hey. who tried to drive me home last night?
not sure. we got lost. what do you mean "tried"?
i'm still in their car. parked on the beach. no one else is here. i have on different pants.
jersey shore has given me a vivid depiction of what things will be like for me once i get to hell
I woke up and my clothes were soaked in the shower and I was wearing a Ghostbusters uniform. I'm shocked she hasn't left me yet.
threw up in a bar last night and got laid on an air mattress. my bucket list just got a lot shorter
Just had a guy dressed only in a towel ask me for a cig, hug me and kiss me then proceeded to pee of the balcony while still talking to me and callin me baby
So the drug dealer I'm sleeping with just got drugs from the other drug dealer I'm sleeping with
Isn't life beautiful?
I ended up with bruises on the back of my knees. Tell me again how I did this?
You'd be amazed at how difficult it is to find pics of the helicopter dick
I am very proud of your internet skills
How do i politely tell him his dick looks like it went thru a meat grinder?
The 78 year old woman who works next to me divorced her ex husband, remarried her first husband, and retired all in one day. I'd say it makes your breakup on Valentine's day pretty insignificant.
The most adult decision I've mad today was Jameson or Fireball? It's been a successful Day
after stripping the bed and soaking it with the "pet spot remover" I have, I decided in the best interest of my mattress and our drunk friends bladders, i should invest in rubber sheets.
He's driving 2 hours to visit me and he's bringing weed. I love him so much.
Randomize
