you definitely held a convo with a hobo
we have a secret handshake
So after THIS dui, I've decided to stop driving. Not drinking, just quit driving.
I'm praying to Jesus, Allah, Buddah,and the whole gang tonight that I'm not pregnant
We watched a biography of Frida Kahlo in class today. It was depressing. A chick with a UNIBROW just put my sex life to shame.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I didn't know there was such thing as a bad orgasm. Until him.
Just found custom condoms. Guess I'm not getting any work done today.
I left my Thanksgiving family dinner puking in my hands from the worst hangover in the world
Hey man thanks for carrying me in and out of that frat house. There's no I in team.
In all fairness I did warn the guy I just spray tanned before we had sex so I hold no responsibility for the bronzer all over his sheets
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm gonna go out on a limb and say it had something to do with pool sex.
this whole "benign brain tumor" is truly a blessing in disguise. I almost want to start bringing MRIs to the bar because sympathy pussy is flowing like the nile
Like how hard is it to come up to me with chocolate and wine and say "hey, you're beautiful. Wanna marathon Doctor Who in sweatpants?" Hell yes!
My hot gay tattoo artist grew a beard and I'm not taking it well.
Ive completely stopped wearing makeup. Not even eyebrows. Thats how sick of wisconsin I am.
I knew she was the one when we had sex to the halo soundtrack.
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