I cant believe we actually had a nipple party!
would it be inappropriate to describe you with the phrase "bigass titties"?
I think thanksgiving was created so we could all be thankful that we're still alive after the night before.
Walking home still drunk in snow. Snowflakes are my only hydration..Need moreee
He's got a southern drawl and a lisp. I'm getting mindfucked right now.
I can't figure out how to get this beer bong in my carry on without airport security questioning me as it goes through the x-ray.
I just high fived you brother at the bar then immediately realized my hands smell like your vagina
He has what he calls a "Ben Franklin". It's a pubic hairdo based on the man himself; long on the sides and bald in the middle.
Its mothers day, andI woke up with 12 bar stamps on my face, holding orange juice and a box of tampons. This can not be happening
Like I actually don't feel all that great but the fact that I'm not projectile vomiting at work makes life seem so magical
I just bought emergency deodorant at Dominick's and put it on in front of a homeless man while waiting for the bus. He laughed and said 'girl, you a mess'. This is my life.
So my POF profile is full of Archer references. Only guys who get them will be getting any response to their messages.
So apparently, after 11 beers, 2 pitchers of sangria and 3 rhum & cokes, the idea of popping a load of MD and jumping on the trampoline, in the woods, in my underwear was the best one ever.
i just took a huge shit in old main. i think my college bucketlist is finished.
How does fucking Canada get Justin Good Guy Take Me Now, Just Fuck Me In The House of Commons Trudeau, and our new President looks like he bathes in cheetoh dust and sin?
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