you went into starbucks asked for a mocha "on the rocks"
you spent 5 minutes trying to open an empty PBR and kept saying "don't worry i'll get it i've been working out"
Dude i thought about you literally the second after I came. This friendship is starting to cross some serious boundaries
and then he publicly announced her herpes on facebook.
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You showed up at my apartment after 3 am wasted with a plate of cookies and tried to hook up.
Sorry about that. Except for the cookies.
Given everything we have talked about, is it wrong to ask you to be faithful to me, despite still dating him?
HOW DO I ALWAS FIND THEM?! THERE WAS BE A SOCIETY OF SMALL PENISED MEN AND I MUST BELONG TO IT!
Just drug him and when he wakes up say "You just woke up from a coma, we've been married for 5 years." It'll be like The Vow but fucked up.
He has an accent when he types. I can *hear* the schnitzel. Especially when he's drunk.
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I just wanna get high and take a fucking awesome nap. Those are my goals for the week.
No. You're getting a Viking funeral and I'm pawning your shit.
I thought you were dead but then you asked me if your tits looked good. They did.
I honestly just wanna put my face in her tits and disappear from this plane of existence
He chose me to be his birthday sex..theres a lot of pressure riding on this bang
Remember those two guys in our frat that would no homo everything? I just got an invitation to their wedding.
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