yo i just woke up i feel so weird, and the absolut is still fill, so is the 30, what the fuck did we drink last night man? And will you please come out of the bathroom.
Bro... we didn't even hang out last night??
My costume is made up of 4 inch heels and a firefighter costume I'm borrowing from the dramatic play area of my Pre-K classroom. I told you I could still be slutty on a teacher's salary.
Then he said something about how from that angle I looked just like his mom.
god. I was just thinkin about the fact that there was a time in our life when we didn't drink.
Turns out he's old enough to be my dad. I'm so excited. I've never had a sugar daddy before. What should I ask for first!? Want anything?
I started rolling down the window so he pulled into a gas station and i puked all over the side of the car while some dude stared at me. I waved and we drove away
I want your cock.
All we are is dust in the wiiiiiiinnnnnnnnnnd
Then I'll go home and you two can do whatever two same sex heterosexual soul mates do
He's taking me to Tao. This is going to be so weird. How do you go on a first date with a guy that has seen you naked more times than clothed?
I was in a penguin suit. Dick out. I am confident in the value of my pic.
You got me 4 pizzas and i just saw this. I'm too drunk for this shit. I just yelled "4 pizzas holy shit!" At the pizza dude
You know the force is loosing strength when Darth Vader can't handle his liquor on halloween.
for future reference, singing eye of the tiger outside my door while i am having sex makes me incredibly uncomfortable
apparently not uncomfortable enough for you to stop
I had a dream that I was smoking rasberries out of a bong. THEY WEREN'T EVEN DRIED...
You drank whiskey for 9 hours and did not eat anything.Nothing good was going to come from that.
Randomize
