me texting you is like we have secret walkie talkies.
What happened to the watermelon?
You fucked it.
just woke up with a thong on my face, dont remember going home with anyone and its way too big for it to be a good thing
well, 500 bucks doesn't grown on trees, and i need that bear suit for any chance of vagina access.
Might be time to reevaluate my life. Banned from red roofs inns. Apparently I puked in ice machine. 3 hotels in a year.
When I told him he could take naked pics of me, did I really need to specify that he could not email them to my brother's friends for bragging rights?
You should have totally come, I started watering down vodka with cider. I have lost the sense of taste.
I feel like he better crank it up to level RG IV tomorrow. It's the fucking playoffs.
I deserve to be covered in dicks
I wanna go back to school and change my major to psych just to make a case study out of her
Need a Dr's note to excuse me from blowjobs for 3-6 weeks while my jaw heals..
If he gets me coffee, cold or no I'll make him see Jesus with my mouth.
I think I had sex with a seagull last night. The window is open and there a feathers everywhere.
You're a disaster
Wanna date?
Santi's no longer allowed to buy booze in my lane. Last thing I need is a midlife crisis looking at his Id again.
Randomize
